The Difficult Conversation You're Avoiding
Nicole James • September 17, 2025
From avoidance to action: Why most 'difficult' conversations aren't actually difficult
There's a conversation you need to have. You know exactly what it is and who it's with.
You've been putting it off for days, maybe weeks. Every time you think about it, you feel a knot in your stomach. You've rehearsed it in your head dozens of times, imagining how it might go wrong.
So you delay. You hope the situation will improve on its own. You tell yourself you'll do it next week when things are less busy.
But the problem isn't getting better. It's getting worse. And now you're losing sleep over it.
Why Managers Avoid Difficult Conversations
🎭 Fear it will be confrontational You imagine shouting, tears, or awkward silences. You worry about damaging the relationship or making the person defensive.
🤷 Not knowing what to say You don't have a script. You're worried you'll say the wrong thing, make legal mistakes, or handle it badly.
⏰ Hoping it will resolve itself Maybe they'll realise the problem and fix it without you having to say anything. Maybe they'll leave. Maybe it will just go away.
😰 Fear of making it worse What if they get upset? What if they argue back? What if other people find out? What if it affects team morale?
The Reality About Difficult Conversations
Most difficult conversations aren't difficult.
They're uncomfortable, yes. But confrontational? Rarely.
Often, the employee knows there's an issue. They might even be relieved you're finally addressing it. They certainly respect you more for having the courage to lead.
The conversation you're avoiding is rarely as difficult as you think it will be. But avoiding it definitely makes everything worse.
How to Have the Conversation
📊 Start with facts, not feelings "You've been late four times this week" not "You seem to have a time management problem." "You interrupted Sarah three times in yesterday's meeting" not "You're being disrespectful." "Your report was submitted two days after the deadline" not "You don't seem to care about deadlines."
Facts are hard to argue with. Feelings and interpretations create defensiveness.
🎯 Focus on impact, not intent "When you're late, it delays the team meeting and affects everyone's schedule" not "You don't care about the team." "When reports are late, it delays the client presentation" not "You're letting everyone down." "When people are interrupted, they can't contribute their ideas properly" not "You're being rude."
You don't know their intent, but you can see the impact. Focus on what you can observe and measure.
✅ Be clear about expectations "I need you to be here by 9am every day" not "Try to be more punctual." "In meetings, please let people finish their point before responding" not "Be more respectful." "Reports must be submitted by the deadline we agree" not "Try to be more organised."
Vague requests get vague results. Specific expectations get specific changes.
Three Steps to Have Any Difficult Conversation
🗓️ Schedule it properly Don't ambush them. "Can we have a chat about punctuality? Are you free for 15 minutes this afternoon?" gives them time to prepare mentally.
🎯 Keep it focused One issue per conversation. Don't bring up everything they've ever done wrong. Deal with the specific behaviour that needs to change.
👂 Listen to their response There might be something you don't know. Personal issues, work challenges, or misunderstandings. Listen first, then work together on solutions.
What Usually Happens
In most cases, the person will:
- Acknowledge the issue
- Explain any circumstances you weren't aware of
- Agree to change the behaviour
- Thank you for being direct rather than letting it fester
The dramatic confrontation you imagined rarely happens. What you get instead is clarity, respect, and usually quick improvement.
The Cost of Continuing to Avoid It
Every day you don't have the conversation:
- The behaviour continues or gets worse
- Your stress increases
- Other team members notice your inaction
- Your credibility as a leader decreases
- The conversation becomes harder to have
The longer you wait, the bigger the issue becomes and the more difficult the conversation actually gets.
The Reality Check
You're not paid to avoid difficult conversations. You're paid to have them.
Leadership isn't about being liked. It's about being effective. Sometimes that means saying things people don't want to hear.
Your team needs you to address issues. They need to see that standards matter and that poor behaviour has consequences.
The conversation you're avoiding right now? It's probably not as difficult as you think.
But it's definitely necessary.
Schedule it. Have it. Move on.
Your team - and your peace of mind - will thank you for it.
Got a difficult conversation you've been putting off? The longer you wait, the harder it gets and the more it affects your credibility as a leader. If you need help planning your next steps then send me a DM.
How to protect your business from illegal working fines
Top tips to prepare for changes to sickness absence in April 2026
Big changes are coming for UK businesses with the introduction of the Employment Rights Bill. And the ones that prepare properly will have a significant advantage. Employment tribunal claims rose 23% last year. There are 45,000 open cases right now - a 32% increase on last year. The system is buckling under pressure. The heat is on employers to get people practices right and if they don't the commercial implications in terms of time and cost are significant. The Bill adds additional stress to businesses that are already finding it hard. But here's the good news: the government has given you more time to prepare. The biggest change - day-one unfair dismissal rights - won't kick in until 2027. The businesses that use this time to build proper people management systems will thrive. Those that don't will be at serious risk of costly claims and poor staff commitment. You have time to get this right. But only if you start acting now. The Numbers That Should Worry You 📈 Tribunal claims are exploding: Unfair dismissal: 22% of all claims Discrimination claims: 30% of total cases (up 15% in one quarter) Disability discrimination: up 28% in Q1 2025 alone Average unfair dismissal award: £13,749 💰 Immediate costs hitting now: National Insurance up from 13.8% to 15% Statutory sick pay rises to £118.75 per week New neonatal care leave: 12 weeks paid Fire and rehire failures: 25% compensation uplift (up to 112.5 days' pay) These aren't just statistics. They're real costs hitting real businesses right now. What Changes When (And Why It Matters) The government is taking a phased approach, with three key implementation dates: 📅 April 2026: Statutory Sick Pay reforms Protective awards double (90 to 180 days for collective redundancy breaches) Fair Work Agency established Day-one paternity and parental leave rights Trade union balloting changes 📅 October 2026: Fire and rehire restrictions Enhanced sexual harassment prevention duties Third-party harassment liability Extended tribunal claim time limits Stronger union rights and tips laws 🚨 2027 - The Big One: Day-one unfair dismissal rights Currently, employees need two years' service to claim unfair dismissal. From 2027, they can claim from day one. With unfair dismissal already representing 22% of all tribunal claims, expect this to explode. The smart businesses are using this extended timeline to build proper people management systems, not just fixing immediate problems. The People Problems You Need to Fix (But Now You Have Time to Do It Right) 🎯 Underperformers That team member who's been coasting for months? You don't need to panic, but you do need a plan. Use this time to implement proper performance management systems, not just quick fixes. ⏰ Attendance issues Persistent lateness or absence patterns? Build robust absence management procedures. You have time to do this properly, not reactively. 😤 Attitude problems Behavioural issues affecting the team? Address them systematically. Create clear behavioural expectations and consequences. 📝 Poor documentation If you can't prove your decisions were fair, you'll lose at tribunal. Use this extended timeline to build proper record-keeping systems. This isn't about rushing to fire people. It's about building systems that prevent problems and manage them fairly when they arise. Three Things You Should Start This Year 🔍 Build proper foundations Don't just patch problems - build systems. Review employment contracts, create comprehensive policies, and establish robust record-keeping. You have time to do this properly. 💪 Invest in manager development Train your managers in employment law basics, difficult conversations, and fair treatment principles. They're your first line of defence, and you now have time to develop their skills properly. 🎯 Create prevention systems Rather than just fixing current issues, build systems that prevent problems. Regular employee feedback, clear communication processes, and proactive performance management. The Business Case (It's Not Just About Compliance) Getting people management right isn't just about avoiding tribunals. Committed employees deliver: 21% higher profitability 10% increase in customer satisfaction 20% increase in sales Poor people practices cost you: Management time lost to tribunal proceedings (average 4.8 weeks per claim) Reputational damage High turnover costs Reduced productivity from everyone else The Reality Check The employment law landscape is changing, but you have more time than originally thought to prepare properly. Day-one unfair dismissal rights don't come in until 2027. But don't waste this opportunity. The businesses that use this time wisely will have a significant competitive advantage. This isn't just about compliance. It's about building businesses that can attract, retain and motivate great people. The businesses that will succeed are those that see these changes as an opportunity to professionalise their people practices. You have time to get this right. But only if you start building proper systems now, not waiting until 2026 to panic. The question isn't whether you can afford to invest in better people management. It's whether you can afford not to. While others wait until the last minute, smart businesses are already building the people practices that will give them competitive advantage in the new employment landscape. Don't waste the extra time you've been given. Need help building robust people management systems? The businesses that start now will be way ahead of those that wait until the last minute. Need help preparing for the changes ahead? The businesses that act now will have a significant advantage over those that wait until 2026.
Why Getting It Right Has Never Been More Critical
Key new legislation being introduced by labour in 100 days
Helping employers think about the legal requirements and the best approach for their business.
2021 brings a new future for the UK as the transition period from exiting the EU has ended. The main impact of Brexit in employment law terms will be seen in the recruitment process as immigration laws change. Employers are already under an obligation to take steps to ensure a worker’s right to work in the UK and this process has been altered in light of the consequences of Brexit. Employers are under a legal duty to prevent illegal working and you can be subjected to penalties where you fail to do so; this can include a criminal offence so it is important to make sure that you have the right processes in your organisation. Existing Employees EU citizens who are currently working for you, or were in the UK before by 31 December 2020, need to take action to gain permission to remain in the UK. This applies unless they have already been granted indefinite leave to remain (ILR) or are from Ireland. Employees must apply to the EU Settlement Scheme. Successful application guarantees the right to continue living and working in the UK indefinitely. Applications for the Scheme are made from the gov.uk website . It is free to apply. New Employees The UK has introduced a new system of immigration control. For the first time in decades, EEA and Swiss nationals (EEA nationals) will be subject to the same immigration controls as non-EEA nationals. Free movement for European nationals ended on 31 December 2020. The new system will apply to the recruitment of European nationals, who arrive in the UK on or after 1 January 2021, as it does to all other overseas nationals. The key characteristics of the new system are the same as the current system – an employer must be licenced by the Home Office, an employee must be sponsored to do a specific job, the job must meet a skill and salary threshold. Should I become a Immigration Licence Holder? If you have regularly employed EEA nationals or you think that you may need to recruit a foreign national in future, you should consider applying for a sponsor licence. It can take an average of 8 weeks to process applications so it is better to act before the immediate need arises. You’ll need to check the eligibility criteria to decide if you qualify. You will need to pay a fee to apply for a licence, which varies depending on the size of your organisation. Small companies will pay £536 for each application. Larger organisations will pay £1,467 for a licence to take on long-term staff, and £536 for temporary staff. You are likely to be considered a large company if your annual turnover is over at least £10.2 million and you have at least 50 employees. You can expediate the licence at an additional cost of £500. Once you are a licence holder, you’ll need to issue a Certificate of Sponsorship to any individuals who are to be sponsored. This fee is £199. A visa application fee and health immigration surcharge are payable by the individual applicant. Some employers may agree to cover these costs. The visa fee depends on the duration of sponsorship and whether the applicant is inside or outside the UK on application. The fee ranges from £610 - £1,408. The health surcharge is £624 per year. Right to Work Checks for EU Nationals This is potentially the area that could cause the most confusion as changes to right to work checks do not come into force until 1 July 2021. Until this date you should check a job applicant’s right to work in the UK under existing rules (i.e. there is no change to right to work checks until then). Currently, job applicants can prove the right to work with any of the following: their valid passport or national identity card if they’re an EU, EEA or Swiss citizen their valid biometric residence card if they’re a non-EU, EEA or Swiss citizen family member their status under the EU Settlement Scheme using the Home Office’s online right to work checking service. Whilst job applicants can use their status under the EU Settlement Scheme as evidence, you cannot require them to produce this. If they do so, you can use the share code to check status online. If an EU citizen produces their valid passport, then this is sufficient evidence of their right to work. There is no obligation to provide their status under the Settlement Scheme. Requiring this is likely to constitute discrimination. You cannot make an offer of employment, or continued employment, dependent on an individual having made an application. Summary These proposals will make the skilled work visa more accessible and more streamlined for both employers and employees. It will still require satisfaction of Home Office duties which require robust HR systems and specialist knowledge. The recruitment process under the immigration system will be more expensive than free movement. If you would like a copy of our Brexit FAQs for employers send an email to nicole.james@bamboopeoplesolutions.co.uk
LAST UPDATE 16 MARCH 2020 What a weekend, the reality hit for many that Coronavirus is going to have a significant short-term impact. We’re in uncertain times and no one is quite sure as to how it will play out and when things will happen. These times will pass, but in the meantime, it makes good business sense to think about how to respond and have trigger points in place. International travel is significantly restricted, the Foreign Office is advising against all but essential travel to 31 countries today (it was 5 at the start of the year). Awareness of self-isolation is increasing, and it is anticipated that whole families may need to isolate if one family member is affected in the not too distant future. Coupled with this is speculation that schools may close at some point too. All these factors are likely to have an impact on your ability to trade, the types of task you require could change and your employees’ availability to work may change too. If you haven’t done so already, now is the time to plan what this means for your business, your trading and your workforce and communicate those plans. You should review and adjust the plan regularly as information changes. There are a number of key questions to ask yourself when planning: Current Resources and Activity • If sales / trading is dropping off, are there any other tasks that have been on that ‘to do’ list that have never made it to the top? Are there any activities that may be useful to set you up for success when things start to become a bit more normal? Are there any hidden opportunities? • The need for some roles could have decreased, could you temporarily refocus these employees on something else? • It is becoming more likely that the government will increase focus on working from home, what does this mean for your employees? Does it work for some roles and not others? Are some roles more essential? You don’t have to do anything but you will need a clear rationale as to thinking so that you can share this with your employees • Is there any technology that can aid working from home that could be set up now? • Is there any way you can minimise the spread of the virus amongst your workforce? Some workplaces are splitting their workforce and asking 50% to spend 2 weeks working from home and the other 50% to come to the office. And then they switch • Can you shift your mindset – many leaders worry about working from home as to whether individuals are productive. Can you focus on outputs and achievements to reassure yourself work is still being completed? • The bottom-line reality is many roles just don’t work from home – what actions can you take to support employees who need to come in to support them and minimise the spread. For example, some businesses are encouraging card transactions rather than cash. Some may be feeling anxious, is there any support you can offer? Absence Management • You could have a period of very high absence, how will you cope through this period? Are there any critical roles / tasks? How will they be covered? Will you need to change focus? • What happens if you get ill? Who will take charge if you have a period of time out of the business? • What will you do if an employee has coronavirus? Do you need to prepare for an office deep clean? Will you send others home for a period? • What will you do if employees need to look after their children due to school closures? • What is your stance on pay during absence – whether for sickness, caring for a family member or childcare? How much will you support and how much will you pay? Resource Reductions • A number of clients are becoming increasingly aware of a fight to survive; having trigger points identified in advance is useful to know the appropriate time to consider hours reduction and/or redundancy. What are your trigger points? Don’t forget that taking action on these triggers takes time – build in enough space to react. • Do you have a lay off clause in your contracts? This easily allows you to reduce/stop working for a short period. If you don’t have one, don’t panic, you’ll need to follow a different process. • You’ll need clear and easy processes in place should you need to trigger reductions, what do these look like? • What are appropriate messages to staff today and on an ongoing basis? Communication • Whatever you decide, communication is essential. What do you need to share with your employees and when? • What do you need to share with your customers and when? Here are some answers to key questions you may have: Do you have to pay for absence linked to Corornovirus? Employees can take emergency time off for childcare. They are expected to make alternative arrangements as soon as possible. The important thing here is open dialogue and understanding your employee needs whilst balancing with the needs of the business. With older people more at risk, employees may be reluctant to get support from grandparents. If an employee is absent due to childcare issues you do not legally have to pay them. If an individual is self-isolating because they are suspected to have coronavirus, they are entitled to SSP from day one. The government have said that they will reimburse small businesses for this cost. If you are only paying SSP it is worth reflecting that those who are self-isolating may choose to ignore the requirement if they are worried about losing pay and this could have a detrimental impact on further absences. If an employee is absent due to being unwell from Coronavirus you should follow your normal absence procedure and sickness pay policy. When it comes to self-isolating because a family member it is not yet clear what the government stance will be in relation to SSP. As the employee is not sick you would not legally pay them. If you are able to budget for it, this could be a good way to protect the rest of your workforce and grow loyalty and support for the future. Don’t forget when it comes to pay, the answer isn’t necessarily all or nothing. Pay has to be carefully considered against what the business can afford and a partial payment could be more realistic. Whatever you decide in relation to pay, take a moment to consider if this is the right thing for your culture. Withholding payment could cause a level of frustration and may impact on longer term loyalty. And we will get through this and expect to return to normal and committed working relationships in future. What should I share with my workforce about good hygiene factors? Good hygiene is considered the most effective way to prevent infection. You can encourage your workforce to follow these guidelines with a couple of effective communication techniques: • Promote the ‘Catch it, Bin it, Kill it campaign’ – there are handy posters you can email or put up • Encourage regular handwashing – the NHS has some guidance posters that could be placed by all sinks within your workplace • Ensure the workplace is cleaned properly and regularly • You may want to make hand sanitiser available in public spaces such as reception and eating areas. Hand sanitizer is not considered a replacement for hand washing, which is more effective but it can be a useful addition to hygiene. It should be noted that face masks are not considered to be effective. Do you need to monitor absence to identify risks to your business? As those affected increases in the UK, there could be a substantial impact on your workforce. You may want to consider setting up a centralised absence tracker so that you can monitor absence levels and identify business risks. If you have particular areas of the business that are essential you may want to consider contingency plans to keep these areas operational – this could include asking workers from other areas to support and change their duties for a short period or agency support. Can employees Work From Home? Some roles have a level of flexibility and can be completed remotely. This may be an option, particularly for those with childcare or isolation concerns. You’ll need to check how many people can be logged in remotely and identify key workers if the numbers are restricted. What to do if you have employees travelling or have travelled to affected areas If your employee is travelling for work purposes, you must follow the government guidelines regarding travel. You may also want to review all travel to non-restricted areas and consider whether it is essential at this time. It is important to have open and honest dialogue with those that are travelling, discuss any concerns and share your expectations. If you have a worker (employee or contractor) who is returning from an affected area, you need to review the guidance and have open and honest dialogue as to your expectations and the impact on their pay. It is likely that their colleagues may be nervous and you should share plans in a sensitive way to ensure that people do not panic. What do I do if someone becomes unwell? If the individual has returned form an affected countries (click here for most up to date details), you should remove them to an area that is 2 meters away from others. Ideally on their own in a well ventilated room. Call 111 for advice. If they need the bathroom If the individual has not visited an affected country you should manage as per your normal absence procedure. Do you need to reduce your workforce? It is possible that as the virus continues, your business may be affected and you need to review your pay budget. You can consider the following: • Reducing hours for contractors, agency staff or casual workers • Reviewing whether your contracts have a lay off clause that allows you to temporarily reduce employee hours • Even without a lay off clause you may be able to reach agreement with your employees to reduce their salary and hours for a period of time • In certain circumstances you may need to consider redundancies if you think the impact will last for a significant period of time It is recommended that you take advice from your HR Consultant if you are considering any of these actions. What should you communicate to employees? The most important thing in planning is to ensure that you have clearly communicated with your workforce. Consider sharing the following information: • Reminding all employees of the absence policy and reporting procedures • Confirming how absence will be paid in relation to sickness, isolation or care for dependents • Confirming good hygiene methods • If you have anyone travelling to or returning from affected areas share plans in a sensitive way If you would like to discuss or need support then please do get in touch. Call me on 01883 460770 or email nicole.james@bamboopeoplesolutions.co.uk.
